For many couples planning a wedding, the steps can seem like dj vu. Second weddings are almost as common as first unions. For this reason, proper rules of etiquette have been placed on second weddings. Of course, you should use your own judgement, and remember that many wedding rules are now seen as outdated. The reaction of your former spouse is only one tender area to consider when planning your wedding.
Prior to the Wedding:
Second wedding etiquette recognizes the need to address the feelings of the former spouse. A courtesy of some sort must be extended to your former legal partner. If your relationship with your ex-spouse is cordial, feel free to announce your engagement over dinner. If, on the other hand, your relationship is not so friendly, the future bride or groom should inform his or her former spouse of the engagement by telephone. If you are close to your former in-laws, extend the same degree of courtesy to them.
Children of any age can have trouble accepting a parent’s remarriage, but they must be told before anyone else. Even if you know that your child will protest, he or she should not be omitted from the plans or told at the last minute. Adult children sometimes need time to adjust to the news, accept the union and welcome the new step parent.
That’s why second wedding etiquette dictates that the children be informed of the engagement as soon as possible. If you and your new partner share a healthy relationship with your children, they will respect your wishes and support your union.
Finer Points Of The Wedding:
If you have already been married once before, the process of the second wedding will be easier to handle. You and your future spouse should remember that a second wedding is typically a smaller affair involving family and a few close friends. It is considered impolite to ask your former spouse to attend, but if you enjoy a friendly relationship you may feel free to do so.
You and your future spouse should have a frank and honest discussion about expenses well before the wedding date. Both parties should share the cost equally, and you need to determine who will pay for what before you begin making plans.
Many couples celebrating a second wedding choose to hold the event out of town. Often, older couples have more disposable income and are able to afford the luxury of celebrating the marriage in a foreign place. This isn’t always true of every guest, however. Consider whether your guests are able to pay for travel, accommodation, and related expenses.
The Location for the Wedding Ceremony and Wedding Reception:
The most important rule of planning the location for your second wedding is to be sure it’s not a spot that holds emotional ties to any past unions. A second wedding is a particularly emotional time, and either partner can have unspoken uncertainties about past marriages. Working together, mutually choose a location and theme for both the ceremony and the reception. When you’ve agreed, you may then share the news with your friends and family.
As a courtesy, the couple should provide transportation for their wedding party. Find out who is planning to drive, or if rented cars will be required. Making these plans in advance can save you time and cash closer to the big day.
Choosing Wedding Colors:
Despite what you may have heard, it is entirely acceptable for a bride to wear a white dress on the occasion of her second wedding, and the groom and groomsmen may wear traditional tuxedos. According to second wedding etiquette, the color palettes are the same as those that are appropriate for first unions.
Reaffirming Your Vows:
Sometimes, second weddings are not about creating new families, but are a celebration of renewed love. Second wedding etiquette also applies to a couple renewing their vows. This is often done on to mark the occasion of a marriage milestone such as a 25th or 50th anniversary.
Weddings like this are more private and solemn than the first wedding and possibly even more joyous. Reaffirming one’s vow made to their wife or husband is such a beautiful gesture. The second wedding etiquette for the couple is to invite their closest friends and family to the event and keep it as effortless as possible.
Etiquette for Second Wedding Guests:
If you are invited to a second wedding, it is polite to bring a gift. While the use of a bridal registry is optional, every couple can use and appreciate thoughtful gifts. A gift of cash is always welcome, and second wedding etiquette dictates that the envelope is handed to a member of the family.
In most ways, second wedding etiquette is as easily to follow as the rules for a first wedding. The most important thing to remember is that you must be considerate of your partner’s thoughts and feelings. The honeymoon should be sweeter and more exciting than the first. Think of the lessons learned during your first marriage, and use them to make your new union as strong and happy as possible.
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Tags: Chicago Wedding, Chicago wedding planning, Chicago weddings, Second Weddings