Guide to Jewish Ceremonies
PRE-CEREMONY
KABBALAT PANIM
“Receiving Faces”
Jewish weddings traditionally begin with pre-ceremony customs that allow the guests to welcome the couple. Kabbalat Panim means “receiving faces,” where the couple receives guests before the ceremony.
The groom(s) gather with the male guests at the grooms tish (“the groom’s table”) where they offer toasts and words from the Torah.
At the same time, the female guests meet the bride(s) at the hakhnassat kallah (“welcome the bride”), where the bride(s) sits on an elegant chair while she receives her guests.
KETUBAH SIGNING
The ketubah is a symbolic Jewish marriage contract that outlines the groom’s responsibilities to his bride. It dictates the conditions he will provide in the marriage, the bride’s protections, his rights, and the framework should the couple choose to divorce. Ketubahs aren’t actually religious documents, they are part of Jewish civil law, so there’s no mention of God blessing the union.
The ketubah is signed by the couple and two witnesses before the ceremony and is read to guests during the ceremony.
BEDEKEN
“Veiling of the Bride”
The bedeken is the “veiling of the bride” prior to the ceremony.
During the ketubah signing, the groom approaches the bride for the bedeken. He looks at her, then veils her face. This signifies that his love for her is her inner beauty and that they will remain two distinct people after the marriage.
The origin of the veiling dates back to Genesis 29, when Jacob marries Leah instead of Rachel, the woman he loves, because he does not see her face before finalizing the marriage.
It’s also a tradition from the Bible wherein Jacob was tricked into marrying the sister of the woman he loved because the sister was veiled. If the groom does the veiling himself, such deceit can never happen.
THE WALK TO THE CHUPPAH
In Jewish ceremonies, the processional and recessional order is slightly different from non-Jewish ceremonies. In Jewish tradition, both of the groom’s parents walk him down the aisle to the altar beneath the chuppah where the couple will exchange vows; the bride and her parents will follow. Traditionally, both sets of parents stand under the chuppah during the ceremony alongside the couple and rabbi.
VOWS UNDER THE CHUPPAH
A chuppah has four corners and a covered roof and represents the shelter and privacy of the home the couple will build together. The home is central in Jewish life: it’s the place where we grow up, learn to love and share, and from which we secure our independence. The bride and groom stand in the center and the walls are formed by the people closest to them.
In some ceremonies, the four posts are held up by friends or family members, while in others it may be freestanding and decorated with flowers. The canopy is often made of tallit (prayer shawl) belonging to the couple or family.
Just as the walls of our home protect us from the elements, offering warmth and security, so too the “walls” of the chuppah provide support and strength.
CIRCLING
In the Ashkenazi tradition, the bride circles around the groom three or seven times beneath the chuppah. Seven represents the most sacred of all numbers in Judaism, and represents a wholeness that the couple can not attain separately.
Some believe this is to create a wall of protection from evil spirits, temptation, and glances from other women. Others believe the bride is symbolically creating a new family circle.
CEREMONY
CHUPPAH
The wedding party enters the main ceremony area where all guests are seated and makes their way towards the chuppah. The groom will lead and the bride will follow, usually with both sets of parents present.
KIDDUSHIN
“Blessings of the Betrothal”
Two cups of wine are used in the wedding ceremony. The first cup accompanies the betrothal blessings, recited by the rabbi; afterwards, the couple drinks from the cup.
The betrothal blessings express the resolve of the bride and groom to create a Jewish home, dedicated to God and the well-being of humanity.
GIVING OF THE RING
In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the groom gives an object of value to the bride, traditionally a ring. The ring should be plain without stones or marks, as is the hope their marriage will be one of simple beauty. The rings are traditionally placed on the left forefinger because the vein goes straight to the heart.
The couple exchange rings and declare their betrothal vows. The words, “by this ring you are consecrated to me according to the law of Moses and Israel,” from the essence of the marriage service. The circle of the ring is a symbol of the eternal nature of the marriage covenant.
READING OF THE KETUBAH
The ketubah is read in the original Aramaic text and is given to the groom for him to hand to his bride, which she will keep for the entirety of their marriage. It has the standing of a legally binding agreement and is the property of the bride.
SHEVA B’RACHOT
“The Seven Blessings”
Sheva B’rachot (the seven blessings) are recited over the second cup of wine, either by the rabbi, chazan (cantor), or other people the couple wish to honor. After the seven blessings, the bride and groom share the second cup of wine.
These blessings are very ancient and set the bride and groom into a wider social and sacred context.
- Blessing over the wine
- Blessing praising God, to whom all creation proclaims praise
- God is praised as the creator of humanity
- God is praised as who created humanity in his divine image
- Hope for the messianic future
- Prayer for the happiness of the bride and groom
- The individual hope for happiness for the couple combined with a prayer for joy in the messianic future.
BREAKING OF GLASS
The end of the ceremony is declared when the groom stomps on a glass, smashing it underfoot.
There are various explanations on why a glass is broken:
- A representation of the fragility of human relationships and a reminder that marriage will change your life forever.
- The loud noise will drive away evil spirits.
- A break with the past, the marriage is to last as long as the glass remains broken (i.e. forever).
- Symbolizes the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem 2000+ years ago.
- Symbolizes a hope that happiness and/or children will be as plentiful as the shards of glass.
MAZEL TOV!
It’s time to party! Shouting “Mazel Tov” is one of the most well-known Jewish wedding rituals. It has a similar meaning to “good luck” or “congratulations.” The closest translation is wishing the best for the future, a great destiny, or a pronouncement that someone has just experienced great fortune.
